Not being in a relationship is ruining my life

“I am terrified of being 40, childless and alone... I feel so incredibly miserable and full of self-hate, even excluded from society.”

The relationship-seeker writing this letter recognises a genuine need for love and relationships. We were designed for that and notice when it’s not there. She sees a straightforward answer to that need - a husband. The dreams and desires that she has for romance, a deep connection, children, non-casual sex and a place in society, can be achieved by meeting that one special person. They will make everything alright.

Living without that person is hell and the language she uses describes that graphically. The worse she feels, the more she becomes desperate to meet “the One”, unable to focus on anything other than that “main goal”.

Looking for something or someone other than God to solve all your problems is called idolatry. The Bible spends a lot of time talking about idolatry, particularly about how the idols are powerless to actually do the things that are being asked of them.  Mariella Frostrup’s advice points this out - that chasing the “one” desperately creates incredible pressure that no man could actually fulfil. She also recognises that finding a “stable union” will present just as many challenges as being single does now - a point reinforced multiple times in the online comments.
But after that, the advice falls short. Telling her to just forget about it and enjoy life is fine except for the fact that the deep longing for loving relationship still exists.

The good news is that there One who can meet those needs. There is only one who can. Jesus.

Jesus died so we could be reconciled in the most important relationship - us and God. This frees us from desperately needing love, affirmation and approval from others, because we have it all in Jesus. He is good and what he has for us is better than romantic love. If that seems like a ridiculous statement it just shows how far we’ve been blinded to the true character of both the idols and God.